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As the sun sets slowly and wonderfully in the horizon, with the cold dusk wind embracing every nook and cranny of my being, I decided to be happy.

I stared at the receding circular outline of the pink orange sun and thought to myself that this is my final goodbye. Goodbye to the me that has held on to insecurity and mutiny to people all this time. I won’t be seeing, or rather thinking, about any of you anymore. On the contrary, I will start to pray and hope for your happiness. You and your new job, you and your new girl, you and your new life, all of you, i wish nothing but happiness.

It might not mean much to any of you, but it means the world to me. Because after some excruciating days, I realized that I will never be happy if I don’t wish happiness for everybody else. It will eat me up to know that my selfish heart can live on its own, feeding from lies, heartbreak, and past mistakes. I promise to never to that again.

So in front of the mesmerizing sun, with my thoughts focused on thinking the unsaid words for you, I wished for your happiness. And it made me happy.


17 Things for 2017

Happy New Year everyone!

I know it is a bit late (7 days late to be exact), a lot of things have happened, and we’re so ready to take on 2018 but I would like to look back, reminisce, and take note of the wonderful things that 2017 offered.

I remember doing this a few years back, around 2014 or so, along with a new year’s resolution for the following year. That was fun and I could’ve continued that but then life happened (humans blaming life) and blogging became something of a luxury. But here I am now!

Let’s start!

  1. Welcoming the new year of 2017

It was a very “new” year for me. A lot has changed and I am in the process of transitioning to my better self. I am very thankful for adding another year to my life story.

  1. Grabbing opportunities that are far from home

Job hunting was a real challenge for a female Engineer like me. There came a time when I had to apply jobs outside of Bataan because I was feeling restless. Lucky for me, I got a few interviews and I seriously considered taking the offer. For the most part, it was the travelling to manila alone (finding the building, asking for directions, talking to people) that made my introvert-self question why I accepted the interview in the first place. But all in all, it was a great experience!

  1. Finally, having a job

One of the top 3 awesome things this 2017 that I will eternally be grateful for! Landing my dream job, that is. Yey! I am still in awe with how I got here. Being in the power plant industry still feels like entering college for the first time. All the jitters, the butterflies, the looking around, the dry throat, and all of those tiny bursts of excitement, they still remain until this day.

  1. Meeting new people and reconnecting with the old

Having a job literally equates to meeting a bunch of people. My introvert-self tried its best to actually talk to people and not seem like its trying too hard in the process. It took me a while to finally adjust to the different people I am meeting (a lot of tears were shed too) but it was an eye-opening experience for me. Of course, I still met up with my old friends, or when I can.

  1. Earning money, providing for the family, and myself

2017 has allowed me to finally fulfill my life-long goal of providing for my family. It was wondrous! To be able to give my Mom my first salary, that right there was priceless. It makes me so happy to see that they are living well and I now am contributing to that. I also am grateful for my “pundars”, if you know what I mean.

  1. Learning something new, always

My brain cells were kind of in a hiatus during my job hunting days. I believe that the mind should be exercised regularly to take care of the brain cells living inside, so it was difficult for me to make my brain be on its best behavior when I started training. Anyway, training has been a lot of help in reviving those cells and in teaching me tons of stuff about the field that I chose. It was illuminating to finally see inside the veil of Mechanical Engineering and nitpick its corners.

  1. Hello, skincare

As a lot of you may know, I am not of the girly type. I don’t do anything special aside from taking a bath (which just includes shampoo, conditioner, and soap). This year, I was introduced to the world of skincare, mainly because it became a necessity. (My moisturizer story may or may not be up on the blog soon.) Then it grew into something of a 5-step routine. Honestly, I was happy with how my skin turned out after using a bunch of products and I will continue trying a whole lot this year, that’s for sure.

  1. #MgaBuanSaBora2017

First out of town trip with my Mom’s side of the family was a blast! It was one of the most tiring yet blessed days of my life to date! I really want to go back there. (The Boracay blog post is long overdue but I might post it soon.)

  1. Tearing up at the most unexpected of times

I actually became stronger this 2017 in the crying department. The funny part was I cried for the most bizarre of reasons. One was when the plane started flying and I was so overwhelmed by how I am in that moment so extraordinary and God loves me so much for blessing me with such. Another was when I watched one of a YouTuber’s vlog.

  1. Still being able to work at my dream job

There was a time when my company had to let go of people during the training. It was a sad day for everyone and many hearts broke. But at the end of the day, blessed are the people who were chosen to stay.

  1. Entering the real world

After the academics’ part of the training, we were deployed to the main plant for a sort of OJT. Still going through that, by the way. It was very exciting, and at the same time overwhelming, to finally be there and actually be there. We’re learning a lot of things and experiencing a lot and it was so much fun! I am also happy with who my groupmates are. Go Team!

  1. Of #priorities and going out

I have limited myself with the times that I go out last 2017. It wasn’t because I don’t want to but more of I have more pressing matters to attend to. This was when I feel the most “adult”. Before, I was the one who organizes a hang-out most of the time but now I can’t seem to go out once a month. Prioritizing stuff meant sacrificing other stuff.

  1. All things series (Marvel > DC)

Since I have a lot of older sisters and brothers at my job, I have tons of new movies and series to watch. Last 2017, I was able to finish a whole lot of them, English, Korean, and Japanese alike, including HTGAWM, Riverdale, Scorpion, Full Metal Alchemist, Oh My Venus, Goblin, Limitless, Shokugeki No Souma, and a bunch of Marvel Series. This made me realize that the DC series I have been watching before is not my life anymore.

  1. Moving on and being happy for others

Acceptance is the key to be truly free, go preach Katy! (Totally did not expect that to rhyme so well.)

  1. #NoSoftdrinks2017

Another milestone I have for myself is not drinking softdrinks for a whole year. It might seem too small of an accomplishment but hey, baby steps. This 2018, I’m on my #NoSoftdrinksYear2 and #ChickenSkinIsNotIn hashtags. I was tempted to do the No Ice Cream 2018 but then who says no to ice cream?

  1. Of loving and staying true to oneself

I believe that 2017 has molded me into a better person than I was before. Its not just because of the accomplishments, the people I’ve met, the things I did, but mostly because I feel good about myself. Even better that I felt before.

  1. Unexpected Christmas gifts, giving gifts, and year-ender

I felt like a kid this Christmas. I loved what everyone got me, got to give gifts to my family, went to a lovely reunion, and caught up with my friends. What more can I wish for in an ending to a fulfilling year?

2017 has gone by so fast that reminiscing made time slow down for a bit. I am very thankful that I got to spend it with everyone I hold dear. It was not perfect, not anywhere near it, but it was wonderful. I got to experience things that I only imagined before and I am so excited to know more, feel more, and be more.

Here’s to 2018! Let’s have a blast!

Today, I cried

It is not normal for a person to post something when she cries, too petty, I know, but this bunch of tears are a first for a crybaby-turned-numb-human-bean like me. These were unexpected.

After a long night and day of eating out (Happy Fiesta, Orani!) I went home and watched a few of Alex Gonzaga’s vlogs. She was funny and not overly at it. There was this one vlog where she was making Seve laugh. I was smiling while watching the kid laugh then all of a sudden I was crying. Like real tears! These big blobs of salty liquid free flowing from my eyes kept on coming. I was so shocked.

(Writing this now made me realize that some people may think that I may be crying because I lost a kid or something. Nope. Disclamer-ing this.)

That phenomenon went on for a few precious seconds, then I racked my brain for some explanation. I don’t cry that easily anymore and I don’t especially cry because of a baby’s cute laugh, but I did and I think that there is something wrong with me. I always knew I am part-weird but that was the weirdest I’ve been since forever.

I then looked back to when I last cried, maybe this is me subconsciously letting it out because it has been months since, and my mind may be dong this like a regular tune up of some sort. Maybe my tear ducts has a tendency to dry up and this is my brain acting like the boss and letting it flood. Maybe Mr. Brain thinks that I needed it. Maybe.

Not feeling anything at all is my current mood (for this year?) and maybe crying spontaneously is proof that I do feel and I will feel even if I don’t want to. That even if you purposely shut the world out, try to live on your own radar, there will always be some cracks that will let something seep through. That whatever you do, there is always a “+” to that “you”.

This is me trying to psychoanalyze myself again but why not. Rare times call for necessary measures. Also, it was refreshing to cry for reasons not related to the words sad, negative, hurt, and so on.

May this jumbled post allowed you to see tears in a different way. That they’re present in all occasions, like important things do, and perhaps teach us a lesson along the way.

When Being Okay is Not Okay

Help me get out of this phase in my life. Please.

Asking for help was never my first instinct when faced with difficulties. I often break down for a few minutes, goes blank for a few more, and then move forward as much as I could. But there are things that will never be accomplished alone.

I’m so not happy with myself and with how I face what reality throws at me.

Gaaah ranting and not feeling anything at all. This is so sad.

Life, Now

It has been three months since I’ve started training as a Cadet Engineer at our company and so far, it was more than I could dream of.

Rewind to November 17 last year.

Dressed in my most I’ve-got-an-interview attire, shaking with anxiety and uncontained excitement, I went to my first ever job interview at Mariveles, Bataan. I won’t be mentioning the name of the company for the time being because of my status as a trainee and also, for that little mystery. I was early (for once) and unprepared except for the few articles I read about what to do and not to do at an interview. I also ran a background check on the company. Though I already knew about the company when I was in college (it was my first choice at our OJT), I don’t really know it quite well. So, research is what I did. There were only a few articles about the company so I had little to look at. Truthfully, I didn’t review about questions that are related to my course because I was expecting that it would be a “Tell me something about yourself” type of engagement.

Anyway, when we got to the meeting place, the service we were supposed to ride with was late. We, afraid that we might not get there in time, hitchhiked. It was actually funny because we didn’t know where we are supposed to go, we just knew the name of the company. Good thing was the driver of the bus knew where interviewees should go. We waited for about an hour then it was time for the interview.

There were three of us and I was the second one to be called. So much for pressure.

The first thing I had to overcome was my anxiety and shyness (before the actual questions). I was not used to talking to a high up and look him in the eye. I was so scared. Then after introducing my name, he started asking questions. I started to relax at that time. They were hard questions, sure, but I just finished my review and my learnings were quite fresh. At least I knew what I was saying that time. I also admitted to some questions that I didn’t know the answer. It was something that I learned from the speaker of the Oath Taking ceremonies. You should not be afraid to say that you do not know the answer. Asking for something is better than being a know-it-all. Also, having that stuck-up attitude won’t get you that “You’re hired!” reply.

After my interview, we were offered snacks. That is when my love for the company grew tenfold. They have a buffet style cafeteria. That was it. I’m sold.

To be honest, this company is my dream company. Ever since I have heard of it a few years back, I really (really really!) wanted to work here. Although my reasons before were a bit shallow, I think that God planted that tiny seed in my heart that eventually grew into an affectionate tree towards this. It wasn’t His plan for me to have my OJT here because He had bigger things in mind, like me really working here, not for a few months but for as long as I deserve it. It still amazes me how elaborate and great God’s plans are for you and me. It truly is the biggest blessing to have a loving Father.

A few months later, I got a text for the second interview. I was losing hope and succumbed to the urge to apply to other companies by that time and underwent a few interviews also (starts with an E). But as they say, home is where the heart is. Power plants and I have that special connection that I will never give up on. The giddiness it brings to me is always fresh and new. The interview was also unexpected because it was the “Introduce Yourself” type. It was emotional for me (everything is) but I got through.

As of now (at the moment!), I am staring at the vast darkness of the night sky with a few scattering of stars. The moon is shining brightly and nearing its full state in a few nights. I am writing with only the light of few lone lightbulbs for guidance and the embrace of the slightly chilly summer air. We have no exams tomorrow so I had the chance to write and be with myself and my thoughts. I needed this. The sound of ballads whispering in my ear, with my fingers clanking over the letters, and my mind sending too many words at once my hands can’t keep up. I need this.

I’m okay. I actually enjoy the classes. I missed the feeling of learning something new. I missed using my brain other than to overthink. Though it takes a little bit of getting used to, I actually am adapting well to interacting with people I just met. It was liberating to meet people with different perspectives and ideas. It’s fun.

Here’s hoping that the fun never ends and the excitement never fades! Cheers! 😊

Leaving you with a few shots I have from the past months. These were my faves. Have a lovely day, you!

100 Things Update

Head out to my pseudo About Me page on the upper left of this page to see how far I’ve come from the 1st time blogger who just wanted to rant and document all of the movies and books she’s seen.

100 Things – 2017

Thinking about it, it actually turned into 200 Things about me. A hundred before and a hundred more as of this phase in my life.

Enjoy having a tiny piece of myself to read!

Will try to post regularly soon! Too much training modules to drown with, I guess.