It’s just, nothing’s the same anymore

Ever dreamed of going back to that place, to that time, where everything’s just perfect and you feel so happy you could burst? Ever felt that, yeah, this is life and everyday should be like this? Ever wished for everything to be just the way they are? Ever felt the hollow ache in your chest when you woke up from a really bad dream?

Combine all of these feelings in one moment. That’s what I feel.

I admit I had my rough times, everybody has them for goodness sake. I’ve neglected all of my friends at one point in my life and I truly am sorry for that. I wish I could go back and spend more time with them but not a genius in this big world have invented the time machine so, it sucks. But all the mistakes I’ve made taught me a valuable lesson, and that is spend much time with everyone you love as much as you can.

With that in mind, I started reconnecting with my friends. I’ve became the “constant” friend who is always there when they need someone to talk to or someone to hang out with. I don’t really mind the company, I mean, I’m not that busy and I immensely enjoy talking and chatting with my friends. I always make it to a point that I come to every get together or catching up session we organize. I always want to be there just so I don’t miss anything significant.

But just when I feel that everything’s getting back to almost-normal, I remembered someone who is a very close friend of mine back then. I sort of had a bitchy moment with *friend’s gender* on a day when I was not in the mood and I think that is the fuse that made our friendship sort-of go downhill. I don’t know, now that I realized my fault, I kept on reconnecting with *friend’s gender* but *friend’s gender* doesn’t make a move to reply to my messages.

Then I made a tiny message for *friend’s gender* for *friend’s gender* know that I still care and I so miss our talks but nada, I get nothing.

This just sucks. I can’t stand the feeling of this rejection! We’ve been through a lot and this is what I get for trying to be good and mend the messed up things I did?

I just want to freaking cry.

I just hate feeling like this. I know it’s just a friend but friends are all I got right now.

When I am thinking about it, I just want to curl up, close my eyes and sleep, like, for a hundred years!

Why am I like this?

I can’t just confront *friend’s gender*.

I am such a bad friend.

😥

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